Ok ok i'm FAT so what?

Well no, but honestly if you don't want to be miserable all your life because every guy you like keeps leaving you, than maybe you should consider it. You're not changing yourself, you're improving. Thats something you should want to do. If a guy can't see past you physically, than he cant get to the real things about a relationship. So maybe if you were to lose weight, sure they may like you physically, but then they will be able to also see who you really are and love you for that as well. You aren't crazy, just confused i guess you could say. It is a hard situation i will give you that, but i think you need to see it from both sides. Give yourself the confidence and lose some weight, like you said you would look good, so why not try to do it for yourself too?