My boyfriend left me for another man.

Im gay. let me just state that. I have been single for such a long time, 2 years, and this past 6 months I found a really great guy. I had a problem in the beginning expressing my feelings towards him, I really could not put my feelings into words to let him know how much I really cared about him, it was love, i loved being around him, and I was in love with him. I have always been alittle suspect about his behavior and actions but I never doubted him, I let my guard down and believed what he told me. For one, I have piss poor self esteem, I was 324 lbs 3 years ago, im right around the 200 mark, I worked hard on myself, but I never adopted that self-esteem, I still see myself at 324lbs, and thats another issue I have to deal with. But Evan was a really good looking guy to me, and I was/am jealous that he gets hit on a lot. He cheated quite a bit I can only imagine. But he made me feel so special, and protected and like I actually meant something to him. Last night the **** hit the fan, we had the break up talk, it wasnt me, it was him, he wants to be friends, he's found someone that he has feelings for. Well I really do believe in love at first sight, and I think it was probably out of desperation, but I seen that in him. and he didnt see it back, he tried to love me, but he couldnt force it. the new guy he has only known for 5 days now, and is head over heels for him. It makes me sick, my appetite is really messed up, it has been for a few months now. I dont know if im sick. Its probably my nerves. I am really tore up over evan. because I thought he was the one, i lead myself on and i feel like a complete ****. I wanted to harm myself..but I know that only hurts other people, and it just sucks because I cant do anything, I have to get over it. I really need someone to protect me. someone i can soak their shirt with tears. someone to punch him in the throat.